Imperfectly Perfect

Vengeful eyes enthroned in judgement

Whiplashes and blood spatter draw his gaze

Because my whole life is an offense

I pray “recount the error of my ways,”

 

I try to win his smile I’ve tried and tried

I thrash, fresh wounds! upon the wall more blood!

I cannot draw his smile, my blood has dried

I press this mural for embrace of love

 

But hands to hold me: those I cannot draw

Scourged there & bleeding, my own self judged

With prayerful hands I then hold up my flaws

A silent answer from hope above:

 

“You were made to be loved, made to be flawed,

Imperfectly perfect for a perfect God”

 

I can never be exactly sure per the coherence of things written here, I try to make something sensible but these poems and reflections evolve throughout the day. 

 

Heres the journal entry that lit off this poem:

I am worth saving I have been saved my life is not over yet, give me the courage to tear down this angry idol this constant striving to be something else,

Lord I just have to confront this, I have to the goal is not self achieved righteousness that can be called my own its genuine righteousness which comes through faith in Christ, the true right standing with God which comes from God by saving faith.

When I read which comes from God by saving faith I actually felt despair. If salvation comes from God, am I worthy of being saved? It was then I realized I had a totally flawed image of who God is, somewhere deep inside an angry petulant wrathful judge who can never be satisfied. So thats what this poem is about.

How often do I stray from the terms of Gods unconditional acceptance in Christ Jesus? All the time. I get busy trying to better myself and I always fail, and then I live under the presumption of Gods anger, my friends on a scriptural basis I know its all a lie, but still

The constant judgement and harassment from this ‘voice,’ this false image that I have of God makes me almost suicidal, ‘I’ll never be right, I’ll never be right, never, never’

And the presumption holds true, we will never be good enough for God in ourselves. 

What can one do? Hold fast to the truth of Gods unconditional love, accept yourself as much as God accepts you tear down the dead work of trying to be perfect under the compulsion of religious ritual

In Philippians 3:6 Paul tells us he was perfect under the law ” I was proven to be blameless and no fault was found with me but he calls this self-willed perfection under the law trash basically:

For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish refuge dregs in order that I may win Christ the Anointed One- Philippians 3:8

So if like me you struggle to be good enough for God, surrender these wasted efforts and give into Gods unconditional acceptance.

You know Paul says something amazing here, he doesn’t say his one aspiration is not to make mistakes he says:

I do not consider my brethren that I have captured and made it my own yet, but ONE THING I DO it is my one aspiration forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead

That little insight just came to me, don’t try to not make mistakes, but try to forget them, move on upward and ahead on the assurance of Gods endless love.